


Two idiots try to go on a date

by QueenTrickster



Category: Jacksepticeye RPF, Markiplier RPF, youtube - Fandom
Genre: Fluff, Jack and Mark being idiots tbh, M/M, picnic date
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-07
Updated: 2016-06-07
Packaged: 2018-07-12 21:59:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7124005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenTrickster/pseuds/QueenTrickster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Going on a picnic date, Jack discovers, is way harder than every romantic movie ever made it seem. Especially since him and Mark are both idiots.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Two idiots try to go on a date

**Author's Note:**

> whoop whoop I tried writing some fluff and I think it turned out not too bad. I started this fic months ago but never got to finish it until now (I'm gonna try and make June my finish unfinished fanfics month). 
> 
> also Jack and Mark might be a bit OOC because I didn't edit this a whole lot, there were really long gaps in between writing this, I didn't let anyone proofread it, it's been a while since I've written septiplier, and I'm aromantic so I suck at writing fluff so I apologize if they're OOC

"Wake up, Jackaboy," Mark whispered, his warm breath ghosting over Jack’s ear. "Or are you planning on sleeping all day?"

 

Jack grunted and turned around, ignoring his boyfriend's voice as he let sleep pull him back to dreamland once more.

 

"Come on, Jack, wake up," Mark said as he shook Jack's shoulder gently. Jack swatted his hand away, and kept his eyes closed, hoping that that would convince Mark to leave him alone. If only it was that easy.  

 

"Wake up or I'll tickle you awake," his boyfriend threatened.  

 

Jack groaned as he heard the mischievous tone in Mark's voice, he was serious. It was either waking up now or getting tickled and right now there was nothing in the world that he despised more than getting tickled awake.

 

"I'm up, I'm up," Jack rasped, his voice still hoarse with sleep. He grunted as he opened one eye and the light that fell through the window blinded him.

 

"Why the fuck is it so bright in here," he mumbled, closing his eye again.

 

"Because I opened the curtains, grumpy prince," Mark said as he pressed a quick kiss on Jack's forehead. "And my grumpy prince won't get any coffee unless he get's up right now." With that Mark left the room, closing the door just in time to prevent the pillow that Jack had thrown after him from hitting him.

 

"Bastard," Jack said to himself as he slowly got up to sit on the edge of the bed. He ran his hand through his hair and mumbled, "God, I fucking hate mornings." Then he finally managed to get up, put on the nearest pair of sweatpants and left the room to get some coffee. 

 

Once he entered the kitchen Mark was just putting two plates with breakfast on the table, eggs with bacon it seemed, and he smiled brightly as he saw Jack walk in.

 

“There is my grumpy prince, all awake!” he said, lights twinkling in his eyes.

 

“I wouldn’t say all awake,” Jack mumbled as he walked up to Mark to give him a quick kiss before he walked over to the coffee. 

 

“Now where is my mug?” he muttered to himself as he opened the cupboard door to look for his giant mug. With that thing he only needed one cup of coffee in the morning to wake up.

 

“It’s already on the table,” Mark said amused, “and here I thought you only needed glasses for far away.”

 

“Oh shut up,” Jack grumbled as he sat down next to Mark, their knees touching.

 

“Every morning you’re a pain in my ass, it’s that you make such good coffee otherwise I wouldn’t be able to deal with you.”

 

“Man, you really are grumpy this morning. If I didn’t knew you loved me than I would be pissed as hell,” Mark said as he chewed on a piece of bacon. 

 

“Well, loving you also makes the mornings a lot better,” Jack said as he tried to steal a piece of bacon off Mark’s plate. With a loud laugh Mark swatted his hand away.

 

“Don’t you sweet talk me as you try to steal my food. But love you too, babe,” and he ruffled Jack’s hair, making it look more like his own mess. 

 

Jack just grunted in response, to absorbed into eating his breakfast to give Mark a proper response. 

 

“D’aww, you’re adorable when you’re stuffing your mouth!”

 

“Shut it,” Jack mumbled around the food in his mouth. 

 

Then he heard the sound of Chica walking into the kitchen and with her tail wagging she sat down next to Jack. She stared up at him with her big brown eyes, begging for some of his breakfast. Instead of giving her what she wanted he petted her head and Chica closed her eyes, enjoying Jack’s touch. 

 

After he had petted her enough Jack went back to drinking his direly needed dose of morning coffee. As he took a huge swig of hot coffee, almost burning his tongue, he noticed that Mark was looking something up on his phone.

 

“Anything interesting?” he asked, trying to keep his face straight as the coffee burned down his throat.

 

“Dunno yet,” Mark mumbled, all his attention on his phone. “Just checking the weather for later this afternoon. Ah, the weather is gonna be perfect, awesome!” 

 

It took Jack a while to realise why Mark was looking up the weather. This was LA after all, the weather was always good here. And besides that, they didn’t go out a whole lot. Then he realised why and when he did Jack’s eyes lit up.

 

“The picnic!” he exclaimed excited. “We’re going on a picnic!” 

 

“Yes we are,” Mark said with a grin. “We’ve been planning this for weeks, Jack. Did you forget?”

 

“Shut up! It’s just because I’m still not fully awake yet. And I remembered it last night, before we went to sleep, that counts!” He pouted. 

 

“Of course it does,” his boyfriend said with an lovesick grin on his face as he leaned in to press a kiss on Jack’s cheek. But Jack turned his face so Mark was kissing him on the lips instead and he grinned.

 

“So, about that picnic, there is still stuff we have to prepare right?” he asked, sipping on his coffee.

 

“Yup, we still have to make the food. And get the ingredients for the food. But I was thinking about arriving at the park around 3 o’clock when the worst heat is already gone so we should have enough time.”

 

“Sounds good to me,” Jack said as he finished his breakfast. “When are we going out for grocery shopping? I would like to shower first.” Then he realised something and he frowned, “But wait, do we even know what we’re gonna take with us on our picnic date yet?”

 

Mark looked at him sheepishly, “No…”

 

“Well,” Jack said, “for two people who have been planning this date for weeks we really are wildly unprepared.”

 

“I just didn’t think about it,” Mark defended himself. “I haven’t been on a lot of picnics, you know?”  

 

Jack patted Mark’s knee, “I know, I know. I’m sure we will make something decent, don’t even worry about it. And even if we don't have good food I’ll still enjoy myself because I am spending time with you.” 

 

Mark just looked at him for a few seconds and Jack almost started to wonder if he had said something wrong or something weird when Mark pulled him in for a firm hug, peppering his face with kisses.    
  
“You’re so sweet! You’re the best,” Mark said in between the kisses. 

 

Jack hugged and kissed Mark back, a wide grin on his face, “Of course I am. But now, let’s look up recipes for the things we wanna eat today and then go for groceries.”

 

~o0o~

 

“Mark? Mark, where are you? Oh, there you are! I can’t find the goddamn strawberries. Those little red fuckers are hiding from us, I can feel it,” Jack said as he walked up to Mark and their shopping cart, his arms filled with groceries.

 

“How mean of them to hide from you, the Great Jacksepticeye! Those strawberries truly must have no fear!” he said chuckling. 

 

“I know right? I’m gonna eat all of those bastards later today. Also do you think we might have gone a little bit overboard?” He asked as he put the groceries in the cart that was already filled with what he suspected were enough groceries to feed an entire family for a week.

 

“No,” Mark said with a serious expression. “Now let’s go find those hiding strawberries.” 

 

“Great.”

 

~o0o~

 

Jack had come to the conclusion that making food for a picnic was much harder than every romantic movie ever had made it out to be. Their kitchen was a disaster, a sad Chica was sitting outside, banned from the kitchen, and Mark was about to have a mental breakdown. 

 

His boyfriend was working on what seemed like at least fifty different dishes at the same time and was so in the zone that he no longer heard it when Jack was saying something to him. All his attention was focused on the food and he only noticed Jack when he needed something.

 

“Jack, cut this into little blocks, no, not slices,  _ blocks _ .”

 

“Jack, where is the canned corn? I really need that canned corn, Jack, and I need it now!” 

 

“Jack, babe, can you preheat the oven for me? 350 degrees, thanks.”

 

“Jack! Where is that canned corn! I told you tha--, oh, there it is.”

 

“Jack I see you snacking on those baby carrots! Don’t you dare eat anymore, I need those!”

Yes, making food for a picnic was definitely 100% way harder than any romantic movie had ever made it seem. Jack had resigned himself to following Mark’s every command so he would hopefully be a bit less stressed. It didn’t seem to help.

 

When Mark wasn’t yelling at him in sheer panic Jack was running around their tiny kitchen to prevent things from tumbling towards the ground. They had bought so much stuff that pretty much nothing was on a flat surface and everything was at risk of falling. If something hit the ground Mark would no longer be able to use it and Jack didn’t think that Mark could properly deal with the loss of an ingredient at the moment. 

 

As he hurried to the strawberries that we’re dangerously close to toppling over towards the floor he wondered why the fuck they had bought this much food. It really was too much food for the both of them to eat, let alone to take with them on a picnic. 

 

However, the thought disappeared as the strawberries actually started to fall and he sprinted towards them in a last effort to save them. 

 

When he felt the little plastic box landed safely in his hand, air that he hadn’t even known he was holding escaped his lungs. 

 

This, he realised as he looked around for a flat and safe surface for the strawberries, was utter and complete chaos. A war zone of epic kitchen proportions. 

 

Finally, after what felt like forever, he found a spot in their kitchen were the strawberries would be safe until they were needed. He turned around to Mark who was aggressively cutting some vegetables while cursing under his breath. 

 

Jack wasn’t sure if it was a good idea for Mark to hold a knife right now.

 

“Need me to cut that for you, babe?” He asked as he carefully approached his boyfriend. Mark didn’t seem to respond. Jack gently placed his hand over the hand Mark was cutting with. “Let me cut this,” he said with no room for refusal in his voice.

 

This time Mark heard him. “Oh. Okay. Thanks.” He put the knife down and stepped aside towards the stove, lifting some lids and stirring whatever was in the pots and pans. 

 

At first Jack continued cutting what had turned out to be celery. He had no idea why they would need celery but apparently they did. Then, “Are you sure we need this much food?” he asked, his voice slightly desperate as he gestured towards the chaos that had become their kitchen. 

 

“Yes,” Mark answered, his expression stubborn. “It isn’t a real picnic unless we have all kinds of picnic food.”

 

Jack sighed as he put down the knife and ran his hand through his hair. “You’re an obstinate idiot, you know that right?” He said and before Mark could answer he stepped in and gave him a quick kiss. “But I love you anyways,” he added, “I’ll help you as much as I can.”

 

He kissed Mark again, pressing their lips together for a bit longer this time. When Jack broke the kiss he felt Mark’s hand on the back of his neck, pulling him closer for another kiss. The kiss deepened and Mark’s hands started to wander. 

 

For a brief moment Jack wondered if they would abandon their picnic date after all but then he could smell the harsh tang of something burning. Jack was about to pull away and ask Mark if he smelled that too when Mark noticed it. He pushed Jack away in a panic, making him tumble against the overfull countertop and he could hear something crash. 

 

“THE CHICKEN!” Mark yelled with as much desperation as someone who just lost a loved one as he made a beeline for the oven. Before opening the oven Mark took a deep breath, preparing for the worst, and then peered into the oven. 

 

“The chicken,” he said, voice grave, “is burnt.” 

 

“I burned the chicken,” Mark repeated, softly.

 

He turned towards Jack, his expression heartbroken. “I burned the chicken,” he said again.

 

Somehow the image of Mark grieving over fucking chicken in between all the chaos was hilarious and a few giggles escaped Jack’s mouth. 

 

Mark’s expression changed from heartbroken to confused and slightly pissed off. Jack started to laugh then and he laughed hard. He covered his mouth, tried to will the laughter away, but his laughing fit wasn’t obeying. 

 

He saw that Mark didn’t want to laugh with him, saw the corners of his mouth twitch as he tried to stop it, but Mark didn’t stand a chance against his own laughing fit. At first just little high pitched giggles joined Jack’s laughter but it didn’t take long for Mark laugh just as hard. 

 

Soon, tears were streaming down their faces and they could barely breathe from laughing so hard. Jack wondered if they had gone insane but the absurdity of the situation, their kitchen turning into a disaster, Mark working on twenty dishes at the same time, Mark being heartbroken over burnt chicken, rendered both of them completely helpless to their laughing fit.   

 

Then they both heard the noise of something boiling over and Mark’s expression shifted back into a panic, making Jack laugh even harder. He was pretty sure he was going to vomit if things continued like this. 

 

Warily, Mark lifted the lid of the pan and then he started laughing again, insanity eating at the edges. It was all Jack needed to know, whatever had been inside that pan had been ruined. He didn’t think it had been possible but he started laughing even harder. He really was going to vomit at this rate. 

 

~o0o~

 

In the end, they had laughed for what seemed like forever and Mark had been forced to turn off the stove, they both were in no shape to cook. Their cooking adventure-slash-disaster had resulted in half the food being ruined and the other half of the food being unfinished. Their kitchen was still a disaster. 

 

Jack had almost gotten another laughing fit straight after his last one had finally ended when he had seen the time. It had been 5pm, a whole two hours after they were supposed to arrive at the park. 

 

“It’s an half hour drive!” Mark had cried out, seeing the last of his plans collapse. 

 

Now they were sitting out on their porch, their ambitious picnic plan abandoned. 

 

Jack gave Chica a pet who was resting between their legs as he enjoyed the cooled down afternoon heat. Los Angeles finally cooling down a little bit was always his favourite time of the day. 

 

He took a sip of his beer as he glanced over at Mark who was sulking with a glass of orange juice in his hands. Jack knew that his boyfriend was far from happy with the picnic ruined, they had both looked forward to this for weeks but Mark even more so than Jack. He had to come up with something to cheer Mark up.

 

His eyes strayed over to the strawberries that had, inexplicably, survived the war in the kitchen. Carefully, he lifted one up between his fingers and pushed it against Mark’s lips.

 

“Say ‘Ah’,” he commanded.

 

“Jack, what--,” Mark sputtered. 

 

“Say ‘Ah’,” Jack, repeated, pressing the strawberry harder against Mark’s lips. 

 

“Ah,” said Mark with as much passion a person who is completely done can muster which isn’t a whole lot. 

 

“Good boy,” Jack said with a satisfied grin as he pushed in the strawberry. “Now you feed me. Ah! Ah!”

 

Mark shot a desperate look at Jack but he ignored it. “Ah,” he said stubbornly.

 

“Fine,” Mark huffed as he reached out for a strawberry. 

 

“Here comes the airplane,” he said sarcastically, pushing the strawberry against Jack’s lips. Jack wrapped his lips around the strawberry and the end of Mark’s fingers, sucking the strawberry in. 

 

As soon as Mark’s fingers left his mouth he bit down on it. The sweet taste immediately filled his mouth and a little sound of delight escaped his mouth. The strawberry was absolutely delicious and Jack was glad he and Mark had spent fifteen minutes looking for it at the supermarket. 

 

“Happy now?” Mark grumbled.

 

“The happiest,” Jack said with a grin, leaning in to press a kiss on Mark’s cheek. “Thank you.”

 

“For what?” Mark asked, the tone of his voice bitter. “Our date got ruined, our kitchen got ruined, pretty much all the food got ruined. Hell, we didn’t even go to the park. Today was supposed to be our date day but we fucked it up.”

 

“Yeah, that’s because we’re both idiots,” Jack said matter of factly. “But I still had a good time even though we ended up not going to the park.”

 

Mark glared at him suspiciously. 

 

Jack continued, “I mean, we got to spend the whole day together and even though cleaning our kitchen is going to be the worst I still had a lot of fun. We both laughed our asses off. So, yeah, despite everything that went wrong I still had a good time.”

 

“Really?” Mark asked, still not sure if Jack was messing with him or not.

 

“Yup! And besides, won’t it make a great story to tell to our kids one day? ‘The Time Daddy And Daddy Tried To Go On A Picnic But Failed Horribly Because They Are Idiots’. I’m sure that they’ll love it.”

 

A surprised smile spread across Mark’s face and Jack silently congratulated himself on completing Mission Make Mark Smile.

 

“I guess that’s true!” Mark said, still smiling. “But that’s a really stupid name, it needs a better one.”

 

“I’ll leave that up to you then,” Jack said with a grin.

 

Mark got lost in thought, trying to come up with a good name and Jack sighed in content. Slowly, he put his head against Mark’s shoulder and let it rest there and Mark automatically wrapped his arm around Jack, pulling him closer. 

 

“Feed me some strawberries while you think, ‘kay?” Jack asked Mark. 

 

“Of course,” Mark replied, already reaching for one. 

 

They sat like that for a while, Jack’s head against Mark’s shoulder as Mark fed him strawberries so sweet that they should be illegal. 

 

Then Jack interrupted the silence. “Love you,” he said, snuggling up even closer to Mark. 

 

“Love you too, babe,” Mark answered and he pressed a quick kiss against Jack’s forehead. 

  
**_~The End~_ **

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed this fic~ please let me know what you thought in the comments :3
> 
> you can also hit me up on tumblr @arospaceiplier
> 
> thank you so much for reading <33


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